Remembering Limits
by Avimou
Summary: John Egbert is sick of school. He has developed depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and insomnia. The only friends he has are his online friends, Jade and Dave. Every single day has been getting worse and worse. Until the day he cracks, and is only left with one solution, ending his life..
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Ever since middle school, I knew I was vulnerable. Even before then, I was always picked on. I didn't know my left or rights, my speech was always weird. I never really had any friends. My name is John Egbert and today is my last day.

When I started middle school, it seemed great. There were a lot of new people to befriend. But none of them wanted to be my friend. I always had a desperate need for a friend, but why would anyone be friends with a freak loser? I've heard the words before, freak, loser, worthless, nerd, and at times, there were words that were far worse such as faggot. That word has always gotten to me and each year, it got worse.

The 7th grade, I made a partial friend, in which later, he left me. I trusted him, but instead, he stabbed my back and it was back to being a friendless loser. After the loss of a friend, that's when the bullying started getting worse. Since I have told him everything about me, he started spreading them around to his other friends. People called me names I shouldn't be called. Some even told me to kill myself. Everyone looked at me as if I was an easy target.

I was always humiliated. I was terrified to go to school every morning. My dad would always force me to school. My fellow classmates would torment me, take my things, hit me, and other horrible things. All of them were heartless creatures.

Sometimes, it's hard for me to even remember the last time I was happy, it must have been a year ago. During the 6th grade, I became depressed, had anxiety, insomnia, and bipolar disorder. When I knew about it, I knew in a snap that I would be unloved. I had always thought that the internet was the only escape to everything.

On the internet, I made a lot of friends like me. They knew how I felt. It was great to have friends that understood me. But the internet was also anonymous. I kept receiving anonymous hate mail and it was like school all over again. I told my online friends about it and they were the ones that always cheered me up.

But years went by and my online friends started getting other new friends. Three of my friends have left me so their other friends. Sometimes, I still do talk to them, but not as much as I used to. But two of my friends are still currently my real friends. One of them is named Dave and the other is named Jade.

Dave is my best friend. He is always there for me, and I mean always. Dave is the cool type. He always wears sunglasses and keeps his cool even when someone pisses him off. Except his bro. He and his bro would constantly sword fight with katanas on their apartment roof. It made no sense. Even so, I hardly ever see him miserable. There are days where he is awfully exhausted, but that's only on occasion. Everybody seems to love him because of his coolness, nothing like me. I'm always surprised on how well he can even handle me.

Now Jade. Jade always knows how to cheer me up. She was constantly happy every day. I never knew how she could be happy in this disgusting world we live in. But she still somehow manages to keep a smile on her face. It's lucky for her though. Since she lives on a big island with her grandpa, she is home schooled. But only her and her grandpa live on the island, it must be pretty lonely for her. But sometimes, I want to be in Jade's place for once, to be home schooled and be alone.

I also have another friend named Rose. I haven't talked to her in a while ever since she has gotten a girlfriend. Might I add she is a lesbian. But she has been with her girlfriend, Kanaya for about 3 months now. I already know they will last forever. Rose has always loved Kanaya. She would always talk about her and they would always be together. I doubt they would be seperateable. It would be nice if Rose started talking to me again though. I miss how she understood my problems and made me feel good about myself. I miss that.

The internet was such a great place full on many great people. I came across the dark side of the internet which was where cyberbullying started for me. Everyone who tormented me was like everyone in school, except everyone is anonymous. They hide behind their computer, because they don't have anything better to do. The fact that so many people are leaving anonymous hate though saddens me.

**This world really is a mess.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I never have mentioned one thing. I have always had a secret crush on Dave. Ever since I began talking to Dave a lot, I took an interest in him. I doubt that he would feel the same for me. I was always envious of Dave. Everyone admired him, he is beautiful (if that's the right word to use), he was perfect. At times, I even get jealous because of how cool he is. But for me, I was always nerdy.

The first time I sent Dave a picture of myself was a few months ago. He would always joke around on how nerdy I looked, so ironic of him. I've always been jealous of Dave, his ironicness and coolness, though, he can be a nerd like me sometimes. Dave has the perfect hair. His platinum blonde locks, I have always wanted to just run my fingers through them. He has the perfect smile, I only wish he would smile more often, but that would be unironic of him. Dave is just perfect. There is nobody more perfect than him. Even on his Facebook pictures, everybody comments things like "You are lookin' hot. ;)". Each photo has dozens of likes, mostly from girls.

What I love most about Dave is his accent. He has a strong Texan accent. Always uses the word "ain't" and "y'all". It makes me chuckle. He knows the best jokes. He's such a nerd, I don't even know how he can hide it so well.

There was once in my life where I dated Jade. It lasted for almost 6 months. It was a long relationship over the internet. We had always video chatted and laughed about the shittiest things. I loved her very much. But I was the one who broke up with her. I only did it because I had thought she would be happier. I had always fucked things around so, I broke up with her so she wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. It was a hard choice to make, but she understood and we still are best friends.

The worst part about everything is that Dave and Jade aren't at my school. I always have to deal with everyone alone. I was rejected from everybody. Later on, I isolated myself. I didn't have the feel to do anything anymore or to even try. All my energy drained away and left none of it behind. I felt so unwanted. But somewhere inside, it was for the best of me to be this way.

Ever since, I have always thought about suicide. Every day of my life. Each day made me want to do it more than ever. Piece by piece, it was tearing my life apart. I had always thought that no one would care if I committed suicide. People would only care if I was cool and douchey, but that would never happen. Society thinks I am a stupid faggot. But if I commit suicide, society will think I am cool and was someone who didn't deserve the things I am receiving now. Oh how fucked up life is.

Despite from suicide, I do have moments when I am jubilant. It usually happens when I talk to Dave. I have liked Dave for almost seven months. Since I have met him and started talking to him, I knew he was different than everyone else. His personality got to me and I was dragged in. All I wanted was to just be with him but I know that is never bound to happen considering how much of a fag I am.

I have always thought of myself as disgusting. Every single day, I would look in the mirror and see this ugly person. But that ugly person is me. I would look for every imperfection about myself and try to fix every single one of them just to have someone like me for once. To at least impress Dave. But no, my imperfections got to my head and that's the only thing I see of myself. Even if it's one little imperfection, it stands out. That's the only thing I could be focused on.

The worse thing is how my dad would always tell me how handsome I am. I honestly can't see how he would even think that. Maybe he is just blind. Maybe it's because I'm his child. If I wasn't his child, he probably would have thought I was ugly. Or he would just tell me I'm handsome just to make me feel good about myself. I can never believe a compliment he says. It's been like that for years, and I have never believed him.

I have always had this thought, that is someone had to choose between me or someone else. They would never choose me. I'm never important, no one cares. Sad thing is, I sometimes don't think Dave or Jade care either. I'm sure Dave likes someone else, probably someone who is a girl and is hot. Jade doesn't like me anymore since we agreed to just being friends only. It's also been three months since I have broken up with her. I moved on, and I'm sure she has too, considering it has been three whole months.

Life is just so hard. Of course, this is only about the things that are happening now. It's about time for me to start the whole story behind all of this distraught mess.


	3. Chapter 3

sorry i haven't posted! i have been so busy with everything but here is chapter 3. i hope you guys like the story so far! i'm sorry if i'm not THAT great at writing, but hey, i'm trying! well, hope you guys like this chapter!

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Chapter 3

It all started when I started the 5th grade. Everybody suddenly got meaner. Even my friends, they forgot about me. When you are in 5th grade, you aren't suppose to cry anymore. Unless if a family member died or you got hurt really bad. But I didn't get injured or have a family member die, I was in the bathroom, crying. I couldn't let anyone know I cried in the bathroom. They would think I'm a baby and laugh at me. Laugh until I cried again.

I tried to keep things to myself. Sooner or later, someone had to find out. And they did.

"Are you okay..?" this boy asked me.

"I am crying in a bathroom stall, do you think I am okay to you?" I asked the stupid boy. Seriously, if someone is crying in the school bathroom, would you think they are okay? Or do you think they are crying for absolutely no reason at all.

"I'm sorry...I just thought you needed a friend.." the boy mumbled.

A friend..? I couldn't let that chance go. All I ever wanted was a friend to talk with. Maybe he really isn't so bad.

"I...I do..I'm sorry I snapped at you. Um..what's your name?" I hesitantly ask. I have always had problems with making friends. It's the main reason why I don't have.

"I'm Matt. And what is your name?" Matt politely asked.

"It's John..." I told him and to my surprise, he just bursts out laughing. I don't see what's so funny about the whole thing. Then, I hear it.

"John? John Egbert? Ahahaha, no way. You have got to be joking. You are just like what everyone says, a sore loser! Ahahaha, and to think I would been friends with you. I wouldn't be caught dead with you." Matt sneered. Matt walked out of the bathroom still laughing. He had probably gone to tell his friends about the incident he had just witnessed.

I knew it. I knew he was one of them. I'm so stupid, why would someone want to be friends with me anyways. I walked out of the stall and looked at myself in the mirror. Staring at that person in front of me. That worthless person. I kept staring, it might have been an hour or so. My teachers didn't notice anything. The person in the mirror started to laugh.

"I can't believe you let him trick you, you stupid human. Just look at yourself. So helpless. Hopeless. You make me want to throw up. You deserve this." He tormented. Just spitting out words. "You poor like 5th grader. Almost in middle school and yet, you are already hated by everyone. Boohoo. I hope it stays like this forever for you."

"No, stop. Shut up." I raise my voice slightly.

"Worthless boy." The mirror taunted.

"SHUT UP!" I scream, breaking the mirror with my fist. I'm screwed. Look at this mess. Broken pieces everywhere. It all reminds me of myself. No one wants to pick all the pieces up. I'm just like the mirror.

I kneeled down. Looking at all the pieces. One by one. Seeing how some are bigger and how some are smaller. A teacher must have heard what happened in the bathroom since she burst into the bathroom. She saw me sitting, and playing with the glass. She screamed which called some more teachers to come in the bathroom. I'm so screwed.

The last thing I saw were people looking at me like I was a lunatic. I must have passed out shortly after because I woke up on the school nurse bed. I had no idea what was going on. I turned to my side and saw my father. He looked really worried, but when he saw me looking at him, he perked up.

"John!" He shouted. Was hhe really worried about me?

"Hi dad." I grinned. "I'm sorry you had to leave work early because of me." I start to cry a little. I feel so pathetic.

"Son, there is no need to cry. I care about you more than work, you know that." He whispered to me. No, I really don't know that. He's probably just lying anyways, everyone lies. He never comes to check up on me when I'm in my room, all alone. Even being the only child.

I don't know what I did to deserve all of this. It just suddenly happened. I felt pathetic, like I didn't even belong here anymore. Realize how I'm in 5th grade and I'm already thinking of all of this. This is how messed up people are. They ruin lives of innocent people and makes them feel worthless. Completely messed up.

After my dad told me he cared about me, I'm not so sure what happened after. I must have blacked out again. My dad took me home and put me in bed. When I woke up, he acted like nothing happened. Like it was all just a dream. But it was certainly real.

The rest of 5th grade was the same. The same things every day except no broken mirrors. I never talked to anyone after the incident. Everyone looked at me as if I was insane. Maybe I am insane. Luckily, 5th grade passed faster than I expected, but that was only the beginning.

The summer started which meant 3 months of no torture. I was really glad about that. I had always had to use my dad's computer. He never noticed what I even did because he has always been busy with work and all. 5th grade summer was when I met Dave, who then introduced me to Jade. I met Dave when I was playing this one online game. He started talking to me and we sort of just started talking a lot.

I told Dave about all of 5th grade. He couldn't believe that a person like me would be hurt that much. He has always been there for me even at the hardest times. My dad would sometimes yell at me and Dave is always there to comfort me. I never had anyone to lean on until Dave and Jade came along. They understood. They helped. They were there.

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note that i won't be talking about the summer. next chapter is going to be the start of 6th grade. don't worry, this is only the flashback in things!


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